I'm here.

Since my last post (over a year ago), I got married. I quit a job. I took on more dance classes. I lost friends. I moved. I wore a bikini in public. Did I mention I got married?

Maybe I'll keep up with this blog. Maybe not, I've always LOVED this blog. So much has happened regarding body positivity over this past year that I feel like I let myself down by letting this blog die... For the sake of putting this on my resume someday, I think I'll revive it. God knows I have the time now. Only working 14 hours a week will do that.

My future with running

I've decided that after my 1/2 marathon in August, I'm taking a break from hardcore running. I've also decided that 6 miles is going to be my limit.

Last Friday I ran 8 miles (again, for the 3rd time during this training session). After I finished, and took my cool down lap around the track (which was excruciating), I laid on the floor for 15 minutes. Someone even asked me if I was okay.  I was, I just needed to not move for a while. When trying to get up, I laughed at my helplessness, as I failed multiple times.

Anything after 6 miles just doesn't feel good anymore. It hurts, and not a good hurt either. Not like after leg day hurt. More like, cut my legs off hurt. I can't describe it.

So, I'm terrified for this Friday, when I have to add another mile and run 9 miles. I miss enjoying my long run days, now I dread them.

I did it.

I can't tell you how a person can run so much, and manage to gain weight. Is it muscle? Probably. Is it still annoying? Definitely. Does it matter? Not really.

Yesterday morning I did something I've never been able to do before. I woke up in a slump. The scale jumped to 167 (yikes), and I wasn't happy about it. I trudged to the gym for my run.

I carry a notebook with me so I can write down my times, distances, and dates. Before I put my gym bag into my locker, I noticed I had a sharpie sitting at the bottom of my bag. Without thinking, I grabbed it and wrote down these few sentences on the cover of my notebook:

You are good enough.
You are beautiful.
The size of your body doesn't matter.
BE YOU.
YOU ROCK.
KICK ASS.

I felt instantly better. I went upstairs to the track, and proceeded to run my fasted mile yet at 8 minutes 46 seconds. That's under 9 minutes folks. And it felt GREAT.

This is the first time I pulled myself out of a slump without help from anyone else (mainly Peter). With my own will and self confidence, I was able to turn that negative energy into positive energy, and was able to fuel that towards my run. I wasn't sad and I wasn't upset. I refused to be.

bitch and moan

I have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a space for me to bitch and moan. I have my self esteem issues, but what girl doesn't? Some may be worse than others, but I don't want this blog to be a place where all I get (or want to get) is sympathy. It's not my styyyyle. I need this blog to be positive. Not for anyone but my own sake. Even if that means there are countless amounts of fresh start or starting over posts.

Last night was my final night at Rocky. THANK GOD. It was so boring... but now I can finally have a set schedule. The only night I'm working late is Wednesdays, and I'll have gobs of time for school and the gym. I have it all planned out. Meals, school, work. It's gonna be awesome.

Also, this semester is going to be a cakewalk compared to last semester. I know this because I finished all of my readings before the school week ended. I could even get a head start on next week... Feels good :)

3 miles and a Macbook

I ran 3 miles today in 32 minutes and 26 seconds. I think that's pretty good. Little less than 11 minutes per mile.

The past few days I have been running around to Best Buy and the Apple Store trying to figure out what kind of battery my macbook takes. It doesn't charge anymore and if I take it off life support it instantly dies. The computer itself works great, and even the Apple Genius said it was just the battery. So, basically, I'm saying fuck it for these reasons:

1. Replacement cost through the Apple Store is $129 plus taxes.
2. Apple Genius refused to tell me what kind of battery was in my computer, and just told me to Google the model. 
3. Problem is there are still 12-thousand different kinds of batteries. And if I google, "Macbook Pro 15 inch mid 2010" the results I get are all over the place. 
4. The Amazon reviews are horrendous. The few batteries I did find had 10 1-star reviews to the 3 5-star reviews. 
5. The only source I trust to buy the battery online is out of stock ($40 for a used one) or really expensive ($159 for a new one). 
6. I never move or go anywhere with my computer. It's basically a desktop anyway.

So, if it ain't broken, don't fix it. I'm switching back to PC after this laptop anyway. 

Some people...

I'm happy I'm not sensitive about my nose scar. I like it, I embrace it, and honestly, I don't think I look like myself when people put make-up on it or edit it in photoshop. I hate my face without my nose scar. It's been there for 13 years this spring. It's part of me.

I wouldn't say I enjoy making people feel like assholes when they bring it up, but it's certainly getting easier to do. Twice within the last 3 hours random strangers have come up to the reference desk and asked, "Were you wearing glasses? Or is it always like that? Your nose." And I go, "Nope, been like that since 6th grade." Peter always says I should add, "...and I'm not sensitive about it or anything." Just to make the person feel like a dick.

Some guy today had the nerve of suggesting plastic surgery. To which I replied, "Oh, I already had it." This isn't a lie. The doctor who sewed me up the first time left a huge scar, a good 1/8 inch wide and 1 inch long. Something like that on the bridge of your nose is pretty significant. The second guy who sewed me up left practically nothing, it's just permanently red.

The moral of the story is: don't attract attention to things that are physically different on a person. Because if they aren't like me, and if they're sensitive about it, you could really end up making their day terrible. (I guess that's why I make them feel like a dick, so then maybe next time they won't make the same mistake.)

793.308664

The call number above is connected to the classification of "Gays -- Social Dancing." I'm so very tempted to go look on the shelf and see if we have anything labeled with this number. What kind of book could possibly be assigned this number? I'm thinking it could be books about drag shows... *edit* We have nothing with that call number. In fact, out entire dance section is pitiful. 1/2 a shelf. Why does dance get 1/2 a shelf when quilting gets 4? 

This library is epic.
I work at this library.
I am in love.
#librarynerd

OH BIG NEWS GUYS.
Warrenville Public Library has hired me. I'm going to be a technical services clerk part time for them. Which means... I GET TO LEAVE THE OUTLET MALL. Can you tell how excited I am?I really think I could be head of a technical services department one day. I think I'd excel at that... 2014: year of the Aimee. Tonight, we celebrate with sushi. Starting the 27th, my weeks will look like this:

Monday: WPL 11 am - 3 pm and TAP 5:30-6:30

Tuesday: WPL 11 am - 3 pm

Wednesday: WPL 11 am -3 pm and CSPL 5-9

Thursday: WPL 11 am - 3 pm

Friday: CSPL 8:45 am - 1 pm

2nd and 4th Saturdays: CSPL 8:45 am - 5 pm

That leave a lot of time in the evenings to focus on school and the gym. And since Peter works from 3 pm to 11:30 pm on weeknights, I won't have many distractions. Just Nutella and the dishes. Bad part is I'm basically never going to see Peter except on weekends. I originally told Warrenville I'd like to work 10 am to 2 pm, but I'm hoping to change it to the above schedule. Mainly because Peter and I could at least eat breakfast together. We enjoy each others company too much, it's a disease. 

Nancy is leaving for Reno on Tuesday. I'm going to miss her because I love her face. But she's off to have magical adventures in Nevada, and I'm really excited for her.