I'm tired of this...

Nope. I'm tired of this feeling. Because I love myself and because I love my child, I need to do something about this.

I didn't realize or admit to myself until recently, but I've been binge eating at night. When Peter goes to work and when Jenny is sleeping, I have no other distractions, and I eat. Oh boy, do I eat. I'm talking whole Jimmy Johns subs, chips, drink, and then dessert. I'm talking dinner, dinner again, then 3 shortbread cookie bars.

I'm so sick. I feel like I'm just pushing my body to its limits and letting it control my life. I'm not happier because I eat. I don't feel like I'm fueling myself so that I can have energy for my daughter. I feel like I'm just stuffing and cramming and pushing. More more more. Until I can't move.

SO July 1 is the day I take my body back.

The Sadness

Sadness is rearing her head into my life again. Why? I don't know.

I didn't find out until recently that depression runs in my family. While I've never seen anyone or talk to anyone professionally, I think I may have it as well at times. A friend shot me a link to free counseling through NIU, maybe I'll check it out.

Writing in this blog, and really focusing my energy on loving myself and taking time for myself has really helped me in the past. Now that I'm not working and staying home full time to take care of Jenny, I really want (read: need) to schedule in time for me. I need to start painting again. I need to create and exercise, and maybe find a new hobby. I want to read and cook. I want to hang out with my daughter and make memories for both of us. I have a lot to be thankful for. Let's start relishing in these moments rather than dwell on 1 teeny, tiny negative thing.

A new day. A new Aimee.

For the past week and a half I've really been watching what I eat and going for walks. I think I've consistently walked at least 2 miles every day. I got a Fitbit for my birthday, and that helps. I really want to learn how to cook because I enjoy watching people cook, and I think I might get good at it, if I practice. I mean, good cooks run in my family.

So I don't know, I think posting will become a regular thing after Jenny goes to bed... Just need to think of a format and schedule...