It got me thinking how I don't have to compromise being myself around my friends from the states. They know I don't enjoy getting drunk. They know I don't enjoy going out to bars or clubs. And they know I'd rather hang out at a coffee shop until it closes, then run around town looking for an open bagel shop because I'm craving bagels. And then go back to my house and watch, "Mr. Beans Holiday."
I don't know. I guess I'm having a tiny problem committing myself to friendships while I'm in Montreal. I don't want to compromise myself by going out to bars and going out clubbing, when I know that's not who I am. It seems, though, that all I ever get invited to is that. I decline politely because I simply do not enjoy doing those thing, and I have a sinking feeling that my friends here will just stop inviting me. One thing I can do, though, is invite them out places. I'll do that soon.
I can't change who I am for the sake of friendships. If I did, it would go against what this whole blog is about: being yourself, loving yourself, accepting yourself.
I guess I just feel like a rhino in a flock of unicorns.
How is it compromising yourself to go out with friends and enjoy their company? There's a difference between "not being yourself" and being outside of your comfort zone... I'm not really a clubbing person; it is very much not my scene (I'm way more comfortable somewhere where I can actually talk with the people I've gone out with) but going out to a club, like I am tonight for 80s night, doesn't mean I'm "not being myself", it just means I'm joining my friends in something they really enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI may not dance as much as they will, I may feel awkward and out of place, but I'll still have fun because I'm me and they're my friends.
I just don't like who I become when I'm in those kinds of situations. If I'm in a group situation with more than 3 or 4 people, I curl up within myself. I stop talking, I tend to just zone out, and pretend I'm not even there. If I'm someplace surrounded by people (for example a mosh pit or a wedding dance floor), many of whom I don't know, that's when my anxiety comes into play, and I spend the rest of the night fighting tears and hyperventilating in a bathroom stall. It's happened twice the past year, so I like to avoid really crowded places.
DeleteI like you guys, I like my Library pals, I really do! I'm going to try my best to overcome things.